26 weeks

It is so interesting to compare this pregnancy with my pregnancy with Mia. When we got pregnant with Mia, we were almost certain that she would be another miscarriage. I never got attached to her while pregnant. I found the new sensations interesting but still remained terrified that if I sneezed too hard, I would lose her. By the middle of that pregnancy I felt really good and started to let myself get excited. Kevin still remained terrified. He thought that if I had another miscarriage, I would seriously crack up.
I still watch other pregnant women and can't help but feel jealous at their carefree attitute toward being pregnant. These women "glow" in their pregnancy and flaunt their growing bellies and want everyone to touch and show overwhelming enthusiasm at their pregnancy, while I just wanted to stay pregnant another day. It used to make me feel really resentful of the fact that they had no idea how hard it was for me to stay pregnant. They skip off to register with their significant other and focus on the materialistic end of pregnancy and rejoice in the fact that they will have a baby to show off but they will never really appreciate the miracle that has taken place inside their body. I should have enjoyed my pregnancy with Mia more because I wasn't sick and until the end felt relatively good.
Now I compare this to my pregnancy with "little Kev". This little one was a complete shock to both of us. He also made me so sick in the beginning (I think it is the foreign testosterone in my body). Now that I am at the "happy middle" stages I feel good and think that I am enjoying this pregnancy a bit more. I am not petrified of miscarriage but now have the new feeling of being petrified of having to do the NICU again. I have started watching that last few weeks not from an internal developmental point of view but from the babies I saw in the NICU that were gestationally born at this age. My first room-mate at Westchester had her baby at 24 weeks. I remember her husbands enjoyment when their son "made his first poop." Well I made it past 24 weeks, my baby should be able to poop. Then there was the baby "Isabella" who was next to Mia's isolette, who was born at 25 weeks. I would watch as her heartrate would skyrocket into the 200's and the nurses would hit her chest with their hands to "shock" it back into a normal rhythm. Thankfully I am past 25 weeks. There is also a fabulous documentary called "Little Man" about a preemie born at 25 weeks and it chronicles the daily struggle to keep these babies alive, especially if they ever go home. It is very sad that the boy Nicholas in the documentary will never lead a "normal" life. Now I am at the 26th week. There was a little boy born at the same time as Mia at 26 weeks gestation. Kevin knew his father from a basketball league that he played on when he was younger. I had to watch as the doctor told this boy's parents that he had bleeding on the brain. I do not know the outcome of this baby or of any of the babies that were there but I pray that they made it through. It is a rosy view and I can't imagine the trouble their parents had to face daily and nightly.
I don't think I can face Westchester's Level 4 NICU again. These are the worst of the worst cases. It was the best place for Mia to be born and they are amazing medically but I don't want to see it ever again. I won't even go to the "NICU reunion" there. If I never have to go back there, then I am a happy person!
The goal is for me to make it to 35 weeks. If I make it there I can deliver in Middletown at ORMC. They may have to take the baby to the NICU at St. Luke's in Newburgh but that is a Level 2 NICU and the babies there are stable and just need a little more time in the hospital. I have so much respect for Dr. KP at St. Luke's and would trust him to not only care for little Kev but Dr. KP and his nurses would show him love and compassion, something that lacks in the larger NICU. If I can make it to 37 weeks, ORMC should be able to care for little Kev.

So we now add a new countdown to my pregnancy. The goal we pray for isn't the typical 14 weeks to go. It is to make it past the next 9 weeks. Anything beyond that is an extra blessing.
New pictures coming soon!
Love to all!